You could go your own way....

Dear Die-Ary,

Today's Word:
Aglets

Reason:
Coz mine say Vans on them.

Today's Thought:
Can you be schizo and wonder if you're schizo, then tell yourself that you're not schizo, then yell at yourself to shut up... Then walk away from it like nothing happened? Leaving yourself crying in the corner? Just wondering...

Today's Quote:
"'Please, honors, a small coin left for me?' An individual only as high as Han's hip plucked at the sleeve of his shirt. A long gray-green pelt concealed the being's form. 'Has it got a coin in its pocketses for me?'" -Star Wars book... Random little cameo by Golllum.

Entry:
I'm just bored and typing for the hell of it...

Today's Word:
appoggiatura

Reason:
Well, it's on a card that's sitting on my desk, staring me in the face.

Today's Thought:
Crying takes all the energy out of a person...

Today's Quote:
"Lord Montague? You're looking rather grim and formal this morning. Trying to pass for a Yalie?" -Everett, Patrick Dempsey in With Honors

Entry:
Never thought I'd post much more in here, but when you need a place to type something out and the only other blog you have is a place where a certain someone (the one that you're going to complain about) could read it... Anyway

This is a bit weird of me to type, but I need it down somewhere, so I'd figure I'd put it here... I don't think many people check these anymore, so it shouldn't be terrible if I put it on here...

Just, imagine (if you are indeed reading this), that you have been friends with someone for years, but throughout that time, you have kept certain facts about yourself from said person. Well, you'd think that might be scandalous, but what if you hadn't told ANYONE, because it was something about you that you just wanted to forget? Well, if I had a friend who wasn't telling me something from when they were fucking twelve years old or whatever, I wouldn't persecute them for it...

Certain things have happened to me in my life that have left traumatic imprints upon my mind. Now, years later, said events are occurring again, and the thoughts and memories cause me to be a little emotional. It's a stressful factor in my life. I've never told anyone about it, and I probably won't tell many people (ask me, I might tell you or I might not...). But the one who claims best friend status with me (which is a phrase we only use when said best friend is not being the best friend that they should be, so we rub that title in their face), has decided that this thing in my past that I would not tell anyone should have been told to her.

"If you knew what had happened the last time this all went about, you'd know why it bothers me."
"Well, you don't tell me anything anymore, Sam."
"I haven't told ANYBODY about this."
"Well, I would hope after all these years that I was more than just ANYBODY."

Fuck, that didn't mean to sound like it was "Well, I wouldn't tell just anybody about this. Only special people." No, that meant, "I don't want to tell ANYBODY. Not EVEN my special people." But no... Apparently, in the midst of my tears and angst, I have been turned into the bad guy because I don't share things with my friend.


Let me ask you something, oh great journal (or anyone for that matter), when you are upset to the point of tears, do you want your friend offering consolement, kindness and compassion, or do you want them to inform you of how terrible a friend you are coz you never tell them anything...? Think about that...

"The other dumb-bell."
"Who?"
"Not who, Watson. What."
"What?"
"Precisely. There's only one dumb-bell."


Well, it's been a long, been a long, been a long, been a long year... Isn't that true. Too bad Stephen never checks this thing. He'd get it more than anyone. We've been making this joke all year.

Found myself watching old episodes of Sherlock Holmes again. I can safely say I've regressed back to my old habits, when it comes to the good ol' books. Got the "Bedside Companion to Sherlock Holmes," and "Sherlock Holmes: The Man and His World." I've been studying Sherlock Holmes, which is something I never thought I'd do, but I do find myself interested in different things lately. Sherlock Holmes, my old fascination, has returned with all its vigor. And there's the languages, the religions, and the biology and theatre arts. Gods, I'm going to be very full up with things to study during college. I also am very much going to pay attention to my social life. It'll be tough, but I intend to make it work. Woot to the third degree.


I'm done for now, though. I'm going to make this summer count.

"Hang the dumb-bell!"
"You can't hang him until you've found him."
"Who?"
"The person that took the other dumb-bell."

Chocolate....

One would think that... two and two would equal four, but today, I swear... I did the math. And I got twenty-three

See, some weird stuff happens to or around me. I happen to be witness to some pretty funky shyte. And today was no different. "Doing an officer." Wow. I'm not an officer anymore. I am officially an alumnus. Is that the right spelling? Who cares. We can no longer be officers of the club. That secretary notebook is now off-limits to me. I feel so... lost.

Okay, now that that's over. I had a convo that I wanted to paste in here. It was all about the whole, "If you lived in a community with only 100 people, would you?" thing, but I can't seem to find the file.

Oh well, can't find it, but it was an interesting convo.

Today's Word:
Ambiguous
Reason:
It's a big word and I enjoy it...
Today's Thought:
Come on, I'm not crazy... Just a little... perverted.
Today's Quote:
"Now if you're going to be subtle, we'll miss each other in the dark. I'm referring to oral tradition. So to speak." -Player, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead
Today's Entry:
This is not really an entry. It's just a little funny story thing that Jessica, Katie, Mr. Hardin, and I put together one sets day, in amidst building and painting. I refound it and must put it in here...

Sam
"There was once a boy who ate
Jess
a magical watermelon seed, which
Sam
caused him to grow extra arms from
Jess
his legs. It was very hard for him to
Sam
sit down, because his arms didn't bend right, so
Jess
they would have to bend left. One day,
Sam
he went to talk to the man who ran the
Jess
sleeve factory in Adinburgh, England to
Sam
tailor a special shirt that would help
Jess
his many armed legs. He said to the man,
Sam
'I need you to mae a shirt that will
Jess
fit my army legs! Help! Oh God Help!'
Sam
The man said that he could do no such
Jess
thing, well sort of. He said, 'Freak.' and walked
Sam
right on out of the factory to talk to
Jess
a watermelon dealer - who saw the whole thing
Sam
and knew what to do. He told the man
Jess
'I am the dealer here. These are the seeds you
Sam
need to eat in order to fight the arm boy!'
Jess
Then, factory man (Frank) ate the seeds and grew
Sam
two feet taller... literally... There were two feet
Jess
growing out of the bottoms of his other feet!
Sam
He went back to face the arm boy with
Jess
a vengance. 'Look here, Freak boy,' he said
Sam
'I'ma gonna knock you down a peg!' He then
Jess
pointed to arm-boy's peg leg with arms flailing
Sam
and laughed maliciously. 'Haha! I made a joke!'
Jess
And then Frank kicked off arm-boy's peg leg.
Mr. Hardin
Suddenly, Frank's friend Handy McGee appeared and said,
Sam
'I have travelled this land looking for hands of my own
Katie
to eat fried chicken and sing bad songs of women.'
Jess
Suddenly, Frank was overjoyed. 'Handy!' he
Sam
shrieked in astonishment. 'I found arms that could
Jess
give you a life filled of joy! This freak will
Katie
never see Ghost Busters again!' And then, he
Sam
round-house kicked the arm-boy with his super feet
Jess
of justice. Arm-boy flew backwards but caught himself
Katie
a gigantic bass, full of fishy smell, which he used to
Sam
play the violin, causing Frank to lose his balance.
Jess
Handy looked on, suddenly realizing his love for arm-boy.
Katie
'I just realized my love for arm-boy! Arm-boy, let me
Sam
hold you with my stubby arms!' Arm-boy
Jess
punched Frank in the crotch and hugged Handy McGee
Katie
while eating the bass. 'Hey, stop eating me!' the bass
Sam
screamed. Frank stood and stared at his friend
Jess
and began to cry. 'Why do you guys hate me so
Katie
hatefully? I want to be loved! When I was young, Daddy
Sam
loved me! But, he told me not to tell anyone!'
Jess
'Eeeew' said Handy McGee and Arm-boy, 'we
Katie
decided to have a one-armed baby!' 'Wait, what does
Sam
that mean? Who's actually gonna give birth?'
Jess
said Frank, confused. 'Everyone knows Arm-boy's a girl
Katie
with a penis coming out of his ear! But he still produces
Sam
a special orange soda from his nose!' 'Handy
Jess
really!' said Handy. 'I love orange soda. Bu even
Katie
so, my heart cannot be trusted, I give you fair warning, I openly confess
Sam
that I am unoriginal and steal love songs
Jess
from musicals put on by high schools.' Then Handy
Katie
found Sam and Jessica-named rocks, painted them blue, and
Sam
ate them with gravy. Arm-boy was so disgusted
Jess
by this that he killed Handy in luke-warm blood,
Katie
to which Arm-boy pulled out the bass, proposed to it, and
Sam
the bass rejected him with a fishy slap in the
Jess
testicles. 'Oh, woe is me.' yelled arm-boy.
Katie
'I'm alone, and now I shall never have my one-armed girl named
Sam
John-Jacob-Jingle-Heimer-Schmidy, whose name is mine too.'"


Every other line is a name, either Jess, Sam, Katie, or Mr. Hardin. This means that the line below that name is the line written by said person. See if you can discern anything about us through the lines we added... I think I've got a few things on myself, Katie... maybe even Jess...


I'd been looking for this since we typed it, and now that I've found it, I'm keeping it... oh forever. I need to print this out and give copies away too... Teehee

Today's Word:
invidia

Reason:
It's the Latin word for Envy... one of the seven "deadly" sins... Though, if you think about it... all sins are deadly, aren't they?

Today's Thought:
I've been through a lot in my life, no more than any other 18 year old, but still... it all seems so... superfluous. Is that the word I want to use?

Today's Quote:
"I mean, one thinks of it like being alive in a box. One keeps forgetting to take into account the fact that one is dead, which should make all the difference, shouldn't it? I mean, you'd never *know* you were in a box, would you? It would be just like you were asleep in a box. Not that I'd like to sleep in a box, mind you. Not without any air. You'd wake up dead for a start, and then where would you be? In a box. That's the bit I don't like, frankly. That's why I don't think of it. Because you'd be helpless, wouldn't you? Stuffed in a box like that. I mean, you'd be in there forever, even taking into account the fact that you're dead. It isn't a pleasant thought. Especially if you're dead, really. Ask yourself, if I asked you straight off, 'I'm going to stuff you in this box. Now, would you rather be alive or dead?' naturally, you'd prefer to be alive. Life in a box is better than no life at all, I expect. You'd have a chance, at least. You could lie there thinking, 'Well, at least I'm not dead. In a minute somebody is going to bang on the lid, and tell me to come out.'" -Rosencrantz

Entry:
That one's Jessica's fault...
I've been thinking of this play ever since Jessica decided to send me those two links earlier today. Don't get me wrong, Jess. I do not blame you for bringing about a terrible thought process, because it's not that at all... just a very... thoughtful one.
I guess, what I've been pondering the most is this: How *do* we know if we're fictional or not? It's not like we have it tattooed somewhere, "You are real," or "You are not real," or, even worse, "You are someone else's mind-thought, nothing but a fictional character thought up by someone who's been writing your entire life. Don't you feel special?"
*shudders*
I suppose I've had the time to think about this. Would you know? Would there be an overwhelming feeling of... doubt, chagrin, unrealistic... ness? I don't know. Or would you merely wander around, knowing by all rights and means that you are real... but what you knew was false. And you didn't know it was false. You kept on living, and everything, every choice, every event, was planned out ahead of you. Before you knew what would happen, the "author" did. And how many of these author-character relationships are out there? Authors can create entire worlds within their storybooks, but what if that author was just another author's creation... Imagine what the very first author had to create, a world in which another author existed... and the first author had to write out the second author's fantasy worlds, so that they all could exist for yet another author...
It gets confusing when I type it out, but in my mind, whilst I folded mom's clothes at the laundromat down by our old house, these thoughts jumbled about so quickly, I may not have realized how confusing they were... Or, perhaps they're not confusing.

Anyway, it's been a while since I've written here and this is just an inkling of the kinds of things I've thought about over that time... ever since Claiken... I've become much more... thoughtful.

Today's Word:
Clay-ment
Reason:
Oh, because there will be many moments when that phrase will be oh so perfect in the next year...
Today's Thought:
I can already see Saturday's rehearsal... Barnes will be very excited about telling everyone how much Clay Aiken SUCKED!
Today's Quote:
"I don't want to say magic over the phone..."
Entry:
Take this all at a sarcastic value... We enjoyed ourselves,despite Clayken... None of us was truly angry, just slightly bitter that it wasn't what we expected... Anyway...

Well, about a month ago, Barnes got the email. Clay Aiken is in San Diego! So, he calls up my mother and we all buy four tickets, Barnes, Mom, Myself, and Kermath.

Today... All Hell broke loose at the Civic Center Downtown.

Wow. So... we all meet at Barnes' place at about five. We wait a good half hour at Outback to get in and eat some good food before the concert. Get Downtown and cruise around the Horton Plaza parking center... No spots at all. So, off to the Civic Center's parking garage, which, by the way, is like a frickin' cement jungle-gym.
Civic Center... Inside by half past seven. Opening act, some piano guy. THE HIGH LIGHT OF THE EVENING!
So, Clay's turn to perform... Here's what we got.

The curtain opened on a Christmas scene... In which several people walked around singing and "acting" while Clay, dressed in all white, sang Christmas tunes. Everytime he sang, he snapped his fingers and the entire group of people onstage would freeze... Like he was God.
The play isn't much to talk about... Except that it was Christmas stuff.

FINAL WORDS WERE THE BEST...
While I was falling asleep during the second act (Yeah, there was an intermission...), the Finale and the Encore kept me pinned to the edge of my seat. Who couldn't resist listening to that adorable lisp... talking about how it's never too early for Christmas...

A few of our comments:

1: NONE OF THE SONGS WERE SUNG IN TEMPO

Clay: Let's slow things down a little bit.
Barnes: Slower?
That one's gonna have a long lifespan...

We all said it... Some Jingle Bell Rock, Frosty the Snowman, Go Tell It On The Mountain... These songs would have sped up the evening...
Nope...
The First Noel
O Holy Night
JINGLE BELLS WAS THE FASTEST SONG AND THEY SLOWED THAT ONE DOWN TOO!

2: IT WAS CHRISTMAS IN NOVEMBER

Clay: Merry Christmas San Diego!
Me: Happy Veteran's Day Clay...

Clay: It's never too early for Christmas...
Barnes: One day, Sam. We'll be touring the world together. You'll be up there, "I want to thank you all for coming and I want to dedicate this one to the man who showed you to your seats, Mr. Barnes. Everything went downhill for him after that Clay concert. He wasted his money on a snazzy black coat and went around America singing. It's never to early for Christmas in March..."

3: THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A CLAY-MENT

We had to come up with something... Kermath said Clayken... Barnes said it was a Clay-ment... It stuck.

Barnes: Well... Clay-ment forever!... Really, that took forever!

4: BINOCULARS AT FIVE BUCKS A POP DOES NOT MEAN WE WANT TO WATCH CLAY AIKEN AND HIS SOCKS CLOSE UP

Yep... He was wearing these funky... "Beetleguiese" socks as Barnes called them. And they were real neat to stare at with the binoculars that we rented for the group. Yep, we passed one pair of binoculars between the four of us through the entire concert.

5: DO IT WITH FLAIR

Everyone at the Clayken concert now has to bow with flair because our boy Clay has never seen a curtsy before. One girl curtsied, he called it flair... Now he wants them all to have a different flair for each of their bows...

6: KATHY TOLD ME TO DO IT

When Kathy says to go to Clay Aiken concerts... go... honestly... It's the best way to wasted your life away. Especially if you go with people like Barnes and Kermath, who have little comments for every moment...

7: DON'T DEPRESS PEOPLE

It was like Clay wanted us to kill ourselves. Everything was slow and we had to listen to this old woman talk about her husband, whom she met on Christmas... and who was dead... ouch...

Kermath: That's depressing...
Barnes: It's so sad (pretending to cut his wrists with his ticket)
Kermath: It was the deepest papercut I've ever seen.
Barnes: It was Clay's fault.

8: THE VILLAGE PEOPLE ARE EVERYONE'S PEOPLE

This has nothing to do with Clay, but Kermath made the comment in the car that even the most masculine men love that song... YMCA...

9: THERE SHOULD BE A CLAYKEN.COM

Kermath said she was going to send a very angry email to Clayken.com... Mom says, if they don't have a Clayken.com... we'll make one.

10: THERE'S REASONS THEY SELL BEER AT THAT CONCERT

Throughout the concert, if I can legally call it that, people were walking into the theatre carrying cups of beer, wine, scotch... rubbing alcohol... anything they could get their hands on.

11... and last: NEVER BUY MAGIC OVER THE PHONE FROM BARNES

"O'Connor? Barnes... Looking at my email and... I don't want to say magic over the phone, but call me."
That was the answering machine message that started it all... that is why we saw Clay Aiken tonight... So... never buy "magic over the phone" from Barnes...


That's all I have to say about that...


So...
.
..
...
....
.....
....
...
..
.
..
...
....
.....
....
...
..
.


Let's slow it down a little bit guys...
Merry Christmas San Diego... coz it's never to early for Christmas... Never...








Mommy? Make the bad man stop... Please?
Please parents... Don't torment your children. If you must get your Clay fix, hire a sitter for the night. The kids will benefit more from listening to Dr. Dre...

I was randomly looking up JtHM stuff in class coz Bann wanted to know who he was and we found this Quizilla quiz... We both took it in turn. Bann turned out to be Devi by honestly answering. I answered haphazardly without even looking at the questions and/or answers... Guess who....



You're Nny! You're psychotic and kind of evil, but
somewhere in there is an emotion. Good luck
finding it.


What Johnny the Homicidal Maniac character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Geez, I wasn't even aiming for it... This is just not right... Either the only two possibilities were Devi and Nny... or I just had a really good hand in random guessing today. Should have taken a test, I'd have aced it by guessing.

As many of you may know... it's moving time. You may or may not know why my mother and I are moving from our lovely little mobile-home... Here's why... eviction. Because the cheap jerk that runs this joint doesn't like us. It was our fault, yes. We didn't pay space rent properly. We paid it, but not on time. But still, he won't even think of negotiations. Second chances. Why? Because he HAS a house. He HAS the American Dream. Us? We have the apartments again... barely. Those are going faster than fast.

We may get a house, three bedroom. We'd have to room it with people, and my mom was thinking the Roths. At this point, I'd do it... For a home, a house, maybe a shot at a crude, disheveled family. I want that. I am tired of what I've had to live with.

If he had stayed. If he hadn't run off like a coward, I might have a decent family. If he'd helped take care of me, maybe mommy could have gone through college, gotten a better job. I could have two parents, a decent life, then I'd have a better shot at taking care of them...

I would willingly do it. Share a home with Cheryl, and Heather. Maybe, just maybe... things could be different. Between me and Heather... Between me and my mother. One year... for me it would only be one year. Then, I'd move on to college, move out of this life. I'm not going to subject myself to this.

I used to tell myself that I would stay in California... El Cajon region coz I'd be nearly family all my life. That's not gonna happen. Most of my family moved to Arizona anyway. Maybe there's a reason for that. Maybe I should move to Arizona. It's near Cali... but it's so much better... so I hear.

I can't do this. I want out. I want out of El Cajon. I want out of this stagnant pond. I love the people that are here. I love all the friends I've made throughout my childhood... and maybe we'll all meet up again at the tenth aniversary or some stupid thing like that. Everyone knows I'd drop in once for each play still. To see Barnes, Hardin, Kermath... I'd love that. I'd probably stop by for the Bennies too. That's the one part of my childhood I'll never leave behind.

Why? Because it's the only thing that didn't flop. There were mistakes, yeah... But I learned. I grew. I became a better actress. I gained so many friends through that club alone.

I never would have met Tony if not for Drama... nor Sarah, Chere', Billy... None of you guys. You're all such wonderful people and for you, my friends, I am grateful.

But the instant that high school graduation is over... I'm gone. Whether it's off to a far away place here in cali, or it's Ohio or Arizona... I'm not staying in El Cajon...

Even if that house plan works out. Even if Heather and I become like sisters... We used to be like sisters. Read each other's minds, finish each other's sentences, keep each other laughing for hours. Where'd that go?

Today's Word:
Cheese
Reason:
Today's quote...
Today's Thought:
Think about it. It's genuis. So many idiots would buy it. Powdered water, just add water. It's genuis I tell ya.
Today's Quote:
"Cheese is God. Cheese is Moon. Cheese causes constipation..." -Anthony... And my only response to this is, No, it's not. No, it's not. And yes, it does....

Entry:
Can't get that phrase outta my head. Thanks Anthony. Can't get the dumb cheese line outta my head.

Anywho, last night was scary. I thought Mr. Barnes was so upset that he would cry. Needless to say, we did get better. Just working on Act III tomorrow. I'm still gonna study my lines like crazy. Screw sleep. It can wait, you know? So, there.

Billy and I are exceptionally pleased, however, that we don't have to show to the rehearsal tomorrow. I'm not trying to rub it in anybody's faces, but when you're two minor characters that don't do anything during the scene currently being rehearsed, counting ceiling tiles begins to throw off your eyesight.

Break legs guys. Tomorrow night. Let's have more than 21... Try for it? No, let's do it. Love you guys. Hope all turns out well with us...

And Tony? We don't need anymore pansies in the bouquet... Think about it. You'll get it.

Signing off now,

"In the middle of my backswing!?"

Today's Word:
Prophecy...
Reason:
I'm reading a book called Pawn of Prophecy, and that's the word that jumped at me there...
Today's Thought:
If I told the world all the things I'm thinking, I'd be sent away, for a very long time... And most of it? Isn't even really that psychotic.
Today's Quote:
"Are you absolutely sure your grandmother didn't dally with a bear during one of those long winters?" Silk, Pawn of Prophecy, page 76.
Entry:
I've been having a hell of a time explaining myself... to myself lately.

I want to go home when I'm at school and I want to go to school when I'm at home. That's not normal. I just don't want to be wherever I am. I always want to be away from where I am.

That's maybe normal. I have problems. That's for damn sure.

I need sleep. A decent time of non-interrupted sleep. That's all. Then, maybe I'll get better.

Maybe.


I love Johnny Depp...





I guess that's all I have to say about that...

Today's Word:
Fate
Reason:
Well, it's a touchy subject...
Today's Thought:
If I could leave the house now and just walk... doesn't matter where I go, just walk a ways. Maybe I'd end up somewhere, or maybe I'd go around the complex and end up back at the house. I don't know. My mind has sort of gone on vacation.
Today's Quote:
"You are a sad, strange little man... And I pity you." -guess where it's from.
Entry:

I've done a lot of thinking and rethinking. All is turning out for the better lately. I think it's all working out. Somehow it is. Might be a little rocky for awhile, but all's coming around once more. Woohoo for me.

Today's Word:
PG
Reason:
I've been sworn to secrecy, but it's for good reason...
Today's Thought:
If I have two lemons, and a lemonade stand, I'd be rethinking my choice of lifestyle...
Today's Quote:
"Hugs make the world go WHEEE!" -Myself... who else?
Conversation:

So?

-So... I really screwed up a few things... That's not all too good.

But you've reconciled it with your conscience and you're ready to take affirmative action against your mistakes?

-You're positive today.

I suppose I am. One of us had to be.

-It's not so often you.

I've had a bit of time to rethink my life.

-Gonna throw yourself out a window?

No, that's what Alice Blake would do. And of course, your methods weren't all that good either. "I scratched my arm on a nail from Drama."

-Well, it was better than the alternative. All that's behind me... Amanda and I are... finished with the self-abuse.

Glad to hear. That was a little eery that she admitted it to you when you most needed your own wake-up call.

-Analyze this.

What?

-Just a good movie is all...

I'm leaving.

-As am I. And where I go, you're to follow. Sucks to be you.

Well, have you accepted me finally?

-How can I not? You're always there. There's no getting rid of you. I can torture myself trying to get rid of you, or accept it and just... live with what I receive.

I think you're taking this too well, for someone in your condition.

-I'm in no... condition. I'm stressed. True. My mother has become the one and only person in the world I cannot talk to. Also true. I have recently discovered that I attract the WRONG TYPE OF GUYS! True. I think I may never be able to get into a relationship past friends with another guy because all the guys that are attracted to me are psychoes. The instant the right guy comes along, he's gonna turn tail and run because of all the weirdos on my tail.

Ouch. Never thought of it that way.

-Well, now you have.

I suppose, you could go through the rest of your high school carrer the same way it started, alone. You really don't NEED to start going out with guys until halfway through college.

-I just wish that the guys I liked would like me back. The ones I genuinely like and find interesting, not the scary people that have been hitting on me lately.

Maybe it's coz you're insane.

-I hate you. I really do. I hate the fact that I sit here daily, talking to you. And I hate that I actually have admitted to so many people that this is what goes on in my mind. I hate that you are here to torment me. I hate that my mother cannot get her life straightened out. I hate that I'm so affected by this goddamn boy situation. I've already decided that I'm just not meant to have a decent boyfriend. It seems the way things go. Instead, I get crazies with drugs in their backpacks, or jerks who don't understand the concept of personal space, or wrong time wrong place situations that I can't stand anymore. Chalk me up to old maid status already, because I quit.

Brava. Well said. Well said indeed.

-Fuck off and move to Switzerland...

Today's Word:
Sanity
Reason:
It's relative, isn't it?
Today's Thought:
To think a white rapper that's been labeled Satan's Spawn on Earth would come inches away from quoting the bible almost perfectly. He is... Human. Though not everyone i the world can see that. He's a father, and a friend, and a rapper. He's in the public eye, because he made himself seem like an asshole before. But he honestly is human.
Today's Quote:
"Why are you so quick to jump to the conclusion I'm crazy? That I'm dangerous, I'm out of control. It's coz I'm kinda acting that way, huh?" (Tony might be able to guess this one...)
Entry:
I'm sick... literally sick. Well, I'm also sick, mentally. But that's one we'll get into later.

I woke up two days ago with a sore throat and thought nothing of it. I woke up yesterday with the same sore throat, plugged up ears, and felt sick to my stomach. Today, I woke up with the inability to swallow anything but liquid. If this continues at this rate, I'll be dead by Tuesday next week.
Well, I'm hoping I get better over the weekend. I don't want to go to my first few days of school sick, and I definitely can't miss those days, even if I'm coughing up lungs and livers.

And as for mental health? I've determined that I am officially insane. There's no way about it. I'm crazy. That's the only explanation for half the things I do.

When the teachers ask us what we did over the summer, I'm telling them all that I helped my mom bag weed... Or maybe not, I might get in trouble for that. Sent to the VP on the first day of school? No wonder she didn't make it as Secretary this year. I intend to survive another year of being an officer with the club, thank you very much.

That's all I got. I'll have much more after the first day. That's always the most interesting of the year... Then they all go downhill. LOL

Today's Word:
Clowns
Reason:
Tony knows...
Today's Thought:
Can't Sleep Clowns Will Eat Me
Today's Quote:
Can't Sleep Clowns Will Eat Me
Entry:
I hate boys... all of them. They all suck. That's it. I hate girls too... I just hate humans today.


Got thinking about that no bf thing... stupid of me, eh?

Today's Word:
still plethora
Reason:
Say it for God's sake!
Today's Thought:
I thought about a lot of stuff today... I don't remember any of it.
Today's Quote:
"despite having the word 'dragon' in its name, no actual dragons were harmed in the making of this product. however, with 250% of the RDI of vitamin C inside, the fruit wasn't so lucky. with that said, we'd also like to inform some of you that dragons are actually imaginary. that means they don't exist. so, will you please, please, please, stop sending us nasty letters. thank you.

vitamins + water = all you need

one sip, swig or gulp may result in boycott of other beverages."

I only agree with half of that. I know that dragons weren't harmed, but they do exist. I saw them. And I agree that it is a good drink, but I still like Jones Soda and Pepsi and all the other stuff I drink.
Entry:
There is none... I just wanted to share that with you people.

(Note... there were eight o's in that so...)
Today's Word:
Plethora
Reason:
Oh, come on...
Today's Thought:
I didn't know a story I'd written about a character that someone else made up would get so many reactions.
Today's Quote:
"I- Morts eyes widened and he let out a disgusted grunt. Im never eating corn again!"

Haha. I should hope not :)
I like the start. Like how it all just hit him like a ton of bricks.
Entry:
Holopaw07 [12:52 PM]: oh, and by the way, i am carrying your baby
Lost2in5thought [12:52 PM]: I KNEW IT!
Holopaw07 [12:54 PM]: i knew it too!
Lost2in5thought [12:54 PM]: Wait... are you sure it's not Hardin's kid... I saw the way you two were around each other the other day...
Holopaw07 [12:54 PM]: and how did you see us
Holopaw07 [12:54 PM]: i thought we were alone
Lost2in5thought [12:55 PM]: I have my ways
Holopaw07 [12:56 PM]: .....
Lost2in5thought [12:57 PM]: Oh, please. Don't pull this silent treatment. You've already admitted that it's possibly his. I can't believe you. I thought what we had was special.
Holopaw07 [12:57 PM]: it is special
Holopaw07 [12:57 PM]: and it wasn't hardins i checked
Holopaw07 [12:57 PM]: our baby is special
Holopaw07 [12:58 PM]: which is why i decided to name the child "special", its both a boys name and a girls name
Lost2in5thought [12:59 PM]: I'm not sure I like that... Think of the torment our child will go through with the other kids. We give them ammunition if we call it that.
Holopaw07 [1:00 PM]: well its our baby i am carrying it, it body and i will name the child
Holopaw07 [1:00 PM]: now why are you being so insensitive about this
Holopaw07 [1:00 PM]: ::cries::[:'(
Lost2in5thought [1:01 PM]: Listen, if it's partly my kid too, I want a say in the name!
Holopaw07 [1:02 PM]: you don't know what i am going through now
Holopaw07 [1:02 PM]: the way my body is changing
Lost2in5thought [1:02 PM]: Shh, calm down. I only want the best for our child, and for you... Calm down.
Holopaw07 [1:03 PM]: i am calm
Holopaw07 [1:03 PM]: now don't you try to tell me to calm down, ohh no
Holopaw07 [1:03 PM]: ::does wierd hair flip thing::
Lost2in5thought [1:03 PM]: You're hysterical
Holopaw07 [1:03 PM]: thank you




I... don't... Know...
LOL

Today's Word:
Mumbler!
Reason:
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Today's Thought:
Some country music is really good, but some country music sucks really bad.
Today's Quote:
"You really should stop mumbling because I can't understand a word you're saying." -Oh come on... someone's gotta know it.
Entry:
I've been quite well lately. I don't know if it's summer taking the stress off or if I've just pulled a whole new perspective out of thin air. Either way, I'm loving the new me. It's refreshing, to smile for real. You know... actually smile and mean it. And even if something is going on that I don't like, and I can't do anything about it, I look past it now. I know. I couldn't believe it at first either.

I've changed, and I enjoy the fun I'm having with my life now. I'm writing more. Ideas flow from me like a fountain. I'm drawing better, which is a miracle, I must say. I can even sing better... louder and more confidently. Acting seems to feel right again. My memory is almost back up to par. I feel like myself again... Which is an alien feeling right now. Gosh, can you believe it?

I'm happy again! Woohoo!


"Home is behind, the world ahead
And there are many paths to tread
Through Shadow, to the edge of night
Until the stars are all alight
Mist and shadow, cloud and shade
All shall fade, all shall fade."

Sorry, listening to random on the LotR soundtracks and that one was just on.

I'm gonna go enjoy my life... Toodles...

Today's Word:
conundrum (sp?)
Reason:
Just say it. Isn't it fun?
Today's Thought:
I don't understand how one person can be described as an entire nation...
Today's Quote:
"Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go
And I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go"
Entry:
I'm having a fun two weeks coming up. I suck at memorizing lines and I'm one of the main characters for the summer show. It's not that I suck at memorizing, it's more I've had no real time to look at the script and actually learn anything past, "What's wrong?" and "Huh?" My first two lines... out of how many? Tons. I've yet to count... And one week left till first rehearsal... Gosh. This is gonna be a fun first week of Xavier's visit... Then, I only get to see them half the day on the second week... Woot... I don't know...


And purple and white and pink and orange and blue!


I know some certain people that are going to be very mad at me for typing that. They will get the song stuck in their heads again. HAH!

I'm going now... Bye bye.


Oh, I've been cleaning like crazy all week, cleaned most of the house, and mom still wants help cleaning the one room she's going to clean at all? The kitchen...